Miss Carnation

There’s something about birthdays that nudge me to look back and ask: Did I reach the goals I set for myself?  When the answer leans more toward failure.  I don’t dwell— I reflect. I ask myself what went wrong and, more importantly, how can I move forward without creating more damage.  But this year felt different. Instead of looking back, I found myself fully  in the present—preoccupied in the best way, excited about what lies ahead and embrace what’s new. I feel ready, eager even, to turn a fresh page. A New Chapter Begins Last Monday, I turned 57 years old. There's no sweet-talking it-I am most certainly OLD. The idea of getting older, even of mortality—can be unsettling. It’s a thought I often brush aside. But deep down, I know I want to be prepared for it- just in case it comes sooner than expected.  So now, I choose to welcome this new chapter with a grateful heart—and a deeper appreciation for how far I've come. Familiar Feeling Part of my morning ritual ...

"Did you know how shattered she felt the day she had to leave you ?" Aunt Dinds was trying to convince me, but I looked away from her gaze—unaffected and cold. Those words felt fleeting. I never took them to heart. I was only there to get my weekly allowance, nothing more. Why would someone like her cry over me? She was a strong woman, unfeeling and at most time--- cold,  the kind who wouldn’t be bothered leaving people behind. Someone like her wouldn’t shed tears for someone like me. Aunt Yda was my father’s first cousin. She and Aunt Dinds are sisters. Her father was my grandfather’s only sibling, which meant the two families shared a bond deeper than the usual cousin relationship. Growing up, they were aunt  very close. Their homes were not far from each other, so their childhoods were intertwined. They played together every afternoon, shared stories, and had the kind of familiarity that only comes from growing up side by side. Despite that closeness, there was one dif...

A stray kitten crying for help from a tree triggers powerful childhood memories of abandonment, loneliness, and the deep hope that someone kind would finally come to the rescue. Cry for Help I heard the crying behind the concrete wall that separates our house from a wild stretch of land filled with trees and  grass. At first, I pretended not to hear it. I told myself the sound would stop soon.  I tried to ignore it. But the tiny cries kept coming. It was two days before New Year’s Eve—not exactly the best time to bring home another animal. Everything was already busy and chaotic. On top of that, we already had six cats. And every late afternoon, one regular stray shows up at our door for some nibbles. Our small home was already full of whiskers, paws, and hungry mouths.  There was simply no room for another furry baby. Or at least, that’s what I kept telling myself. The Peek I Couldn't Resist Still… curiosity won. “I’ll just peek,” I told myself. Just a quick look. So I w...

Sometimes a lost soul ushers us to find our own and lead us to a fresh perspective in life. This is what I needed especially at the beginning of the year.  Not long ago, I wasn’t as cheerful as I am today. It took one small, gentle soul to help me see life from a fresh perspective.  The irony of life- sometimes it will take a lost soul to help you find your own.   Res A new soul ushers us to a Fresh Perspectiv e cuing cats is not something new to me. I had Sophie . She was well loved by our family. She's the first official cat of our family  until she passed 6 years ago Because of her I found a deeper appreciation of myself .   I saw  my strengths, my value, my worth and  many more things that I thought I lacked. And now Kermit. What she brought in our home is not just pure joy but seeing myself in a better way. I found her and brought her home. She found me and showed me who I am. 1.   You Are  Tough You stood alone while everyone else crouc...

It’s two days before Christmas, and here I am trying to convince myself that I should be joyous because Christmas is the most anticipated celebration of the year. But NO. Thank you.  Here are ten reasons why I decided to be a Grinch this Holiday Season. 1. Festive on the inside -exhausted on the inside. With all the hustle and bustle. I had to delay my meal, my pee, even my future just to get everything done. I just can't stop in the middle to attend to people's need to chit chat.  Small talks drains the life out of me. I don't need love. I need to get things done. My temple hurts from forcing myself to smile and return people’s holiday greetings.  My dilemma--I hate Christmas, but I don’t want to drag anyone down with me. So I smile anyway—tight, forced—and return the greetings like a responsible adult.  2. Thoughtless gifts. Okay, I know I should be thankful because it's still a gift, but receiving gifts that mean absolutely nothing to me makes no sense. Is it ...

 I'm back. It's 4 minutes before midnight and since sleep has been eluding me, I'd like to put my thoughts on here. Let me ask you. Yes you. Has there ever been a time in your life when...you think you have become agnostic?   Growing up in a very conservative Roman Catholic Religion I find this a dilemma.  I can't even tell a single soul about this. All my closest friends are like me-religious. You might be wondering what led me to this situation.   See, I've been praying for good things to come. I did my part.  I obeyed  his rules.  BUT nothing.  Nothing is happening.  Sometimes I think God is unfair. I wish I could just write everything here. But I can't.  I'd probably even delete this  post later.   Or who knows? Maybe this is just a phase.  Yeah?  Well, thanks for stopping by. Goodnight. Goodmorning. I'll try to write some more in the days to come. Sampaloc Lake I used to go to lake much smaller tha...

My introverted friend finally tried to experiment with her style and tried on a haltered skinny cocktail dress.  "Mothafacka! You're a bombshell!" I screamed in delight as I watched her emerge from the dressing room. My friend leaned on the wall, mortified,  than amused by the attention we were drawing.  She seldom heard me swear in our four years of friendship. "I'm sorry, I was just so pleasantly surprised by how good you look in that dress!"  I laughed nervously. While her left hand  still clutched at the neckline of her dress she slowly regained her footing.  Without breaking our eye contact,  she flared her nose, then mouthed the words.. "look what you got us into"  turning  her gaze to the small crowd at the other end of the boutique whose judging looks were darted at our direction.  I gave out a smirk and whispered, "big deal".  We have been taught since primary school and in our catechism classes that cursing is  "bad",...