Is Grieving Selfish?

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My mother was a socially active person. She was happy to be around people, especially her sisters,  nephews, and nieces. She loved to spend time with them.

When she died four years ago, I received a lot of personal messages.  Most of them were from my older cousins.    The messages I received were comforting words for me and my siblings.  They were words of love and admiration for how my Mom has been so good to them and that she will be greatly missed. If the typewritten words on my chats had tear ducts my computer would have been flooded.

I will miss her

She has been very kind to me
Now I do not have anyone to care for me
Now I do not have anyone to turn to when I have a problem
Now I do not have anyone to share my heartaches
Now I do not have a confidant
Now I have no one to call when I am happy
Now I do not have anyone to call to side with me

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk:

These lines are actually common to hear in wakes.  Reading all their kind words for my mother I realized that my mother had been very kind to them, which led me to think. 

 

When we grieve in the wake of our family or friends. Do we grieve for ourselves or do we grieve for the dead?  Do we mourn the person who passed because we will miss their presence in our lives, or do we mourn them because our lives are less convenient without them?